Written by EST contributor: Ashleigh Gray
I don’t look for married men; they find me. They’re looking for something they’re not getting at home. I used to feel bad about being part of their dirt but I realized if it’s not me they’re cheating with it’ll be someone else.
In his autobiography Malcolm X says, “More wives could keep their husbands if they realized their greatest urge is to be men.” I think in a lot of situations men feel stifled in their domestic lives. The monotony of paying bills, taking care of the children, and having the same sex (if any at all) drives them to entertain temptation.
Other times men stray because of personal issues. I’ve been spending time with a guy who told me he “always finds trouble.” His wife, a beautiful woman, is in great shape after having their two kids. They still have sex. He still found me.
So how do these guys uncover me? Working at a strip club has afforded me many opportunities to encounter wandering husbands. Patrons find me easy to talk to. The journalist in me likes to ask a lot of questions. Before they know it they’ve confided personal details of their life and marriage. After a few drinks and private couch dances the proposal comes: “We should get together outside of here sometime.” If I’m attracted to or interested in him, I’ll indulge. And so it begins.
After awhile I start to feel like I actually know their families personally. When pictures are shared and stories are told it’s easy to feel like I’m becoming part of it all. In conversation I’ll address his kids by their names and ask about things like how a soccer game went or how his daughter is doing in the class she was struggling in.
You may be wondering what I get out of all this. For me, it feels like I’m a fly on the wall. It feels like I get an exclusive look at what goes on behind closed doors. I also like that I get to be the person he sees as fun, sexy and new. Together we get to experience the highs of a new relationship without ever having to come back down to reality. Spontaneous motorcycle rides, bar hopping, fancy dinners and sex are all parts of the package.
This works for me because at the end of the night I can send him back home to his wife. Although I desire a long-term, monogamous relationship I have to admit that I have insecurities holding me back. Being the other woman allows me to scratch the surface without having to be vulnerable and reveal parts of myself that I don’t like. I know I can’t play this game forever but for now I’m living and learning from the other side of the picket fence.